theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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