I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
