The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
