He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize