my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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