I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
