I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
