sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
