thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize