Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
