I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
