your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
