No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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