In the future we'll all be gay
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
