How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
