while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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