Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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