Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
