She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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