Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
