My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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