Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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