i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
