man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
