there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize