what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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