plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
soo... how was my night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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