btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dick very happy bro
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
