Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
