she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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