I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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