if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
