I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
