this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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