Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize