He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
