just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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