Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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