You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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