You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
