i think i have herpe
just one?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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