I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
