wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
