I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
