I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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