Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
