I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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