i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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