I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
