i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
