New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize