Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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