What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
