Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
