i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
