I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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