i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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