One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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