Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
