I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
