dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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