How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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