yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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