Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
