So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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