i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
