rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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