i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
