I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
