I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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