When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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