Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
