yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
