i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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