Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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