sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
