Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
