I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
