I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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